Thursday, August 27, 2009

#96 Playing Guitar Praise in lieu of Guitar Hero


Christian culture needed an alternative to the degenerate Guitar Hero, so they made their own version. Now you don't have to pretend to play guitar along to secular music. With Guitar Praise you can pretend to play guitar along to Christian music that has been run through Auto-Tune and injected with silicone.


Guitar Praise lets you “rock out” to contemporary Christian songs that each sound like a Creed/Jonas Brothers mash-up. The website for Guitar Praise says “You’ll soon be rockin’ with the best while praising the Lord!”


Christian culture's idea of “rockin'” is as questionable as their definition of the word “best.” Rather than violate your soul with secular music, violate your senses with this! Is God glorified by the Christian-ifying of video games? Christian culture seems to think so.

62 comments:

pure_light said...

I wont lie, I kinda wanna buy it. It will sit proudly on the shelf next to Rock Band, Guitar Hero, and Guitar Hero III, and maybe, just maybe, will invite them to church.

David said...

If you take your shoes off while playing, do you get a Praise Bonus?

shack said...

Good one, David.

Steve said...

Do all the songs on this sound the same, the way they do in CCM? That's my big complaint--all the bands and all the songs sound the same.

stephy said...

Steve, yeah. You can hear them at the site. But one of the songs is about Africa, sung by someone with a Jamaican accent. (Christians love Africa.)

jmarinara said...

"Is God glorified by the Christian-ifying of video games? "

Ummm, no.

Yeah, pretty sure of that one actually.

See Steph, it's stuff like this that makes me like your blog, because I too want to bang my head into the keyboard when I find about this kind of stuff. (this was the first I heard of this thing BTW)

What a cheapening of such a beautiful gospel.

Trev said...

I'm only playing this game if it's featured on a mega-church jumbotron.

jmarinara said...

BTW . .

LOL @ David

&

I'm right there with you Steve. I'm a musician and even play in my church's worship, but I find a majority (not all) of Christian music to be pretty bad and a parody of itself.

There's some decent stuff out there though, if you're interested, depends on what genres you like.

Mark (under construction) said...

I would like to see Christian Twister played - like the white spots could be called purity, the red spots the blood and so on.

I love it when Christians transform worldly games indeed I do.

dommerselv said...

These are brutal.

At the church where I help out with youth group, we use guitar hero. The church is pretty conservative, so I've been mildly surprised by this.

Cheap imitation is always bad.

dave

pete in oregon said...

So, when does the "Christian" version of Rock Band come out? It could be called Worship Band. And when your band mates mess up too much you can raise your hands and pray for them.

Rebecca said...

So, this is the answer to "be in the world not of the world"?

Wacky.

Aaron said...

This is horrific in the best possible way.

Good Girls Studio said...

how have I never seen this ? Is Jesus Love Me on there???

@David..hahahahah

stephy said...

I just found this review of Guitar Praise on BoingBoing and it made me laugh out loud - http://gadgets.boingboing.net/2008/08/26/guitar-praise-guitar.html

profacero said...

This whole blog is most fascinating and explains a lot.

wuly said...

i used to work at a christian bookstore, and we sold this crappy game. boy do i mean crappy, the graphics are cheap and you play to the lowest bit rate mp3 not the actual recording, and yes there is a worship band version of rock band out, the funny part there is that you use rock band peripherals. btw steph i really love your site.

jaigner said...

Dan, that is hilarious. I bet in the Christian version of Rock Band they have a glove the singer wears to determine if they have raised their hands.

sc said...

I'm not even remotely saying that I would buy it but, playing the devil's advocate here (pun TOTALLY obvious but unintended), I don't think some of these comments are necessary. Where's the voice of Paul in Phil. 1:18 saying "...as long as Christ is preached."? I mean, go ahead and villify the hearts of those greedy people who try to exploit faith as a demographic. But, for heaven's sake, be grateful that there are some fathers, mothers, and others out there who just might be doing it so their kids can enjoy a video game without the lyrics of AFI's "Miss Murder", "Lay Down" by Priestess, or the outright Anti-Christian lyrics of Slayer singing "Raining Blood" over and over again while they try to get a better score. Seriously, is it possible too big a deal is being made out of this?

Mel T said...
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tadd said...

you have made my fathers house a den of theives

Georgius said...

I wouldn't want my kids to keep away from AFI for their lyrics, I'd want them to keep away from AFI for fear of them dressing like morons.

Anonymous said...

I gleaned everything I need to know about this game by the fact the guitars upside down in the picture.

stephy said...

Maybe it's not upside down, just left-handed. Wait...nah.

Jason said...

I just read most of this blog... haha.

Brings back a lot of memories, but just the lighthearted, quirky ones.

Great job. You write well.


- Jason

rotten apples said...

how could you not want your kids to listen to slayer? my favorite lyric of theirs is from 'god hates us all' (it's a great album, sc, you should pick it up): "i keep my bible in a pool of blood, so its lies cannot affect me."

i honestly can't think of a better sentiment for children.

awesome blog, btw.

David Morning said...

Personally I'm all for this. Those kids stuck in fundamentalist households need good games too (even if it isn't as good as the original)

Anonymous said...

Steph

I think you should write something concerning the protestant work ethic. I know that it’s not the same theological or economical situation as it was in Weber's day but I have a sense that Evangelicals, true to their conservative fashion, have a bone to pick with the unemployed, especially, the unemployed on welfare. While at the same time remaining rather sanctimonious about the love-hate relationship with their job—they hate their job, in its alienating approach, but their pay check makes them feel rather pious. I guess I am amazed at the irony of the Evangelical mantra towards charity while at the same time condemning the homeless and unemployed as lazy and irresponsible

Former Christian Culture member said...

Oh, this makes me think of the equally awful DDR rip-off called "Dance Praise"...

happycamper said...

OMG (are you even aloud to say that on this blog) I love your blog! So fucking funny.

We had the same upbringing, no doubt.

emjaybee said...

By the way, your traffic's probably gone up because you got linked at Metafilter.

http://www.metafilter.com/84639/Stuff-Christian-Culture-Likes

Good discussion there, too. And I was so glad they did, because this site is superdelicious.

Do you ever read Slacktivist? http://slacktivist.typepad.com/

Fred does what you do in a much longer form, in Christian "lit", but often just as funny. Good stuff.

Danielle said...

I think this game is hilarious. I've never played it, but someone told me that I'm on it. I HAVE played DDR's praise version at a Christian music festival and it was silly but fun. Who doesn't want to dance to "Jesus Freak"? Okay, maybe you don't, but I sure do!

The Nerd said...

Haha, my family has this one, and they think it is the coolest thing ever! Nothing particularly wrong with it, but I personally can't imagine Guitar Hero without an awesome Ozzy riff somewhere in the deal.

Simmons said...

You start out playing at a smaller church, and when your worship team becomes popular, you play at a megachurch with a jumbo tron. Everyone will see how worshipful my electronic band is!

Jesse said...

Martin Luther said it best: "A Christian shoemaker doesn't put crosses on their shoes, they make good shoes." Praise Guitar is not good shoes.

stephy said...

Jesse, that's exactly it. Thanks for that.

libresansdieu said...

Be careful when visiting family members that are evangelical christians, I was once forced into playing a christian version of dance dance revolution. It had music that sounded like Creed and the sound was not really in sync. Awfull, I tell you.

Ryan said...

I guess I can forget walking into the youth ministries and Hearing "Balls To The Wall" from the Guitar Hero soundtrack now. Oh well.

brian said...

There is a comment you might want to delete on #93--it's the last one. Some people are so gross...

Josh said...

Steph, I heard you on the Church of Lazlo radio show yesterday and I am glad I did. Was raised southern baptist all my life and then went to college and found the devil, "philosophy", so I feel ya. Keep up the good work!

Dave said...

No, the Church isn't full of reactionary anti-creativity or anything. Morons.

Keith Green almost puked when he saw a piggy bank with the words "Jesus Saves" on it. Wonder how he'd deal with this shit.

Still Breathing said...

Dave, Why do you think people laugh at this:

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

Change? What's wrong with the old one!

There are definitely elements in the church that oppose all change.

J.R. Herbaugh said...

Found the site through disinfo, read the whole thing, and thought of more:

Vacation Bible School

After-School activities for kids

Adoption

Being sent to third-world countries on missions and then asking for more money for bibles

Saying Good Morning to the congregation and the congregation says Good Morning back.

Putting a big bloody cross in the background behind the altar.

Replacing the cloths that decorate the pulpit every few weeks with cloths of a different color. The color represents something but nobody in the congregation could tell you what.

Having children stand in a line in front of the congregation and reciting some lines into a microphone, and calling it a Christmas play.

Putting up a Christmas tree, or two, or three, inside the church.

Replacing the vandalized wooden cutouts of the nativity scene.

Handing out voting guides from the Christian Coalition.

Having a giant churchyard and using it twice a year.

Mowing a giant churchyard every five days.

Putting ads in the paper that proclaim your church is "Bible-believing."

Barbecuing chicken in a pit and selling it in a Styrofoam container with baked beans and coleslaw as a fund-raiser.

Coleslaw, coleslaw, coleslaw

Holding pot-luck lunches after church. The church provides the ham. You bring the coleslaw or the baked beans with hot dog slices.

Obtaining day-old bread donations from the supermarket. Half of it goes home with the volunteers because some beggars are choosers.

Not locking the room with the Xerox machine very well, thereby unwittingly supplying materials for zines.


Some of these may only apply to the church I grew up with.

Kim Reid said...

Again, the christian community has to treat the world like lepers and create their "own version". No thank you. I prefer to build bridges, not walls.

Will said...

This site is great; I'm not an evangelical, nor politically conservative, but I'm certianly guilty of some of these. Thanks stephy.

Z. said...

This blog makes me somehow strangely love the fact that I was totally a sap for this kind of crap at one point in my life and the comments make me love the fact that I don't believe a stitch of it anymore. Seriously, the "Anonymous" rabble-rouser-fo'-Christ on the Marrying Your Best Friend post has really got her panties in a bunch, jeez.

This is truly classic stuff and couldn't be more dead on. And I only grew up Lutheran! But of course, you're totally going to Hell for it, right? No worries, I'll gladly hang out with you there.

Still Breathing said...

Incidently what's wrong with a real guitar? You can play both religious and secular music on the same instrument.

Hill said...

I have to wonder if any of the songs Cartman sang in the 'South Park' episode about Christian Music made it to the game...

"I want to get on my knees and please Jesus!"

Kristanna said...

Pretty cool post. I just came by your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your posts.After reading this all I am eager to play this guitar praise.Please help me from where I may get this so I can also play this.

vitamine c

earthforaliens said...

I can't believe someone actually MADE this game... well, actually I can. It was inevitable. We've had a satirical "Worship Team Hero" group on facebook for a few years now. Check it out.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=7088272385

Rich E said...

Wow there's a Christian version of Guitar hero !

Whats guitar hero ?

Nelson1960 said...
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Nelson1960 said...
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Mel T said...

Hill: I'm laffin, thanks.

Anthony Jacques said...

Wow, in all my years as a music pastor (before I took the blinders off) I still don't think I would've gotten into this. I really never liked Christian music in the first place... which made choosin worship especially hard. I focused on good arrangements I guess.

That game is just nuts.

Mel T said...

Historical Christianity in 5 Words or Less.

Amarachi said...

oh, good grief. i've only read a few posts, but it seems more like a christian culture bashing site than a satire. SCL keeps it light and funny (generally), but this is just bashing. so you don't like the music on this game. someone does. it may be totally rockin' for some. don't bash it. there are people out there trying to redeem the original game for God's kindgom (another thing Christians like to do.) don't destroy their efforts. i certainly don't enjoy all of the songs on the original guitar hero (mostly because of the things endorsed by some lyrics and how (little) the characters are dressed.) if i were a parent, i'd probably want a cleaner version of the game for my kids. people are trying to do that, so support (and CONSTRUCTIVELY critique, if necessary) them. [steps off soapbox] :)

Mel T said...

Trying to redeem the original game for God's kindgom.

Paul said...

I have the game and was disapointed. It's just ok, nothing flashy with very basic gameplay. The worst part for me is the songs. I don't know many of them and I've been a Christian all my life! Fortunately, I have Jamband now and that game rocks and has a lot more features than guitar praise. I also get to use my old guitar praise guitar with jamband so i don't have to spend more $ on more controllers. Jamband has really, really great songs and you can plug in up to 4 microphones and 2 instruments too. You can play drums! Bass or guitar. My suggestion for anyone looking at a christian guitar hero or rock band game is to buy jamband.

Mel T said...

Cool. When we turn 18, which party should we register to vote for?

guitar tabs said...

You can play on it depending on your preference. Though it may seem odd for other musicians.

Lavinia Martins said...

For a novice guitar player, this is actually kind of fun. Though I agree with Paul, for more features and Christian songs, you can buy Jamband instead.