Wednesday, August 4, 2010

#177 Family bumper stickers


Christian culture likes to display their families in stick-figure effigy on their vans and SUVs. They would like for you to know how many children they have, their approximate ages, sports interests and gender. When you see these stickers you can be reasonably assured this family identifies themselves as evangelical. You can be assured they do if the sticker has a scripture reference on it.


Some of these stickers even have each child's name on them. Good thinking! And don't forget the pets. They'd be gutted if you left them out. In an impressive lack of guile, the proponents of these stickers don't think they're any kind of invitation for home invasion. What better way to alert paroled pedophiles to your exact number of children? What's better, they can just follow you home.



A fun variation on these stickers is the Disney version. From these you may reasonably infer that this family is affluent enough to go to Disney (Land or World) regularly. Those stickers may as well say "Follow this car and case our house, we have more money than we have sense."

8 comments:

Collin said...

I actually want some of these stick figures for our Eurovan...

Jen G-S said...

Stephy,

You missed the "fish" family -- complete with "angel" fish to signify the pregnancies that didn't come to term and/or children who died.

I always see the angel fish as upside down fish with X eyes . . .

--Jen

Lauren said...

Ha! My two younger brothers and I have been calling these "sniper stickers" since they first came out. I feel like it's an invitation to smite your family.

Alison said...

Where I am (Australia) the stickers don't signify evangelical - they're considered more an indication of bogan culture. Hipsters here hate them... which is one reason they make me laugh.

Eugene said...

I think the best case against these stickers would be that episode from Dexter (season 4) where the serial killer uses the info from these stickers to abduct a child. All he needed to successfully convince a child he was a policeman sent by his parents to fetch him was the child's name and the names of his parents and the stickers meant he could do it in seconds!

Anonymous said...

I heard about a childless couple who put three stickers on their vehicle - Husband, Wife, and a huge bag of $$$$$...

Anonymous said...

We have the Disney version except for us it's two guys and two dogs.

Anonymous said...

Late to the game but one of the saddest/funniest things I've seen was a set of these bumper stickers with the dad sticker obviously recently scraped off...