Tuesday, June 25, 2013

#233 Giving Kiosks

With the way tithing has been cramping our cyberactive lifestyles, we had to know we’d live to see the Giving Kiosk. Forged by Mother Necessity/megachurch-era capitalism, these glowing monoliths of conviction are humming in lobbies of evangelical churches across North America. You may now foist over your firstfruits anytime, anywhere. Your excuses have vanished ascension-style.

Judging from Giving Kiosk’s customer feedback, everyone loves this system. But the folks at Giving Kiosk say they don’t toot their own horn, they let happy customers do that for them. Yes, "customers." Don’t be cynical. That could just be their love language. Now the churchgoers/customers don’t have to haul out their checkbooks or hate themselves beyond standard Calvinist depravity when they leave their money at home. And Giving Kiosk even has an app so you can give at stoplights, worship rehearsal, women's Bible study, men's discipleship breakfast, or from your marriage bed.  

Now, they might seem a little spendy. An upright Giving Kiosk is $3,895, but their website says most churches see a 20% increase in tithes. So even if your church can’t afford the pastor’s life insurance right now, that 20% increase track record should have it paying for itself pretty soon (and maybe even for some new daylight projectors, MacBook Pros, thermal-regulated baptismal tanks, plexiglass sound-isolated drum kit booths, plasma screens and worship woofers). And if a church really can’t afford it, they can even lease the kiosk. 

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Doesn’t Dave Ramsey say leasing is bad?” Don’t get your soul patch in a twist. Giving Kiosks are in line with Ramseyism because their Ramsey Clause™ specifically states that they encourage the use of debit-based giving. But they're not legalistic. They can configure their products to accept credit cards, too. You never know how the Lord will work. He might call for you to give him money you just don’t have. What’s more self-sacrificial than that? Dump a wineskin of perfume on Jesus’ feet and wipe it off with your hair already!

With the security of the Ramsey Clause™ you can push to the back of your mind Dave’s “Leasing Is Fleecing” mantra. You can even use your leased Giving Kiosk to conduct registration for your next Total Money Makeover event. It just means they take your business seriously, which of course is the message of the cross, or maybe the message of the bottom line and charge capture. Don't worry. There's no way Martin Luther is rolling over in Wittenberg right now.