Monday, March 9, 2009

#67 Having cheesy hair

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Christian culture isn’t exactly known for having good style but bless their hearts, they sure try.

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Because they struggle with being in the world but not of the world, Christian culture is perpetually 2 to 10 years behind what mainstream culture thinks is cool. As a result, the pastor/creative director/worship leader looks like a fashion victim to everyone but the people inside his sphere of Christian culture.

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Staff members of churches who wish to be relevant are the most frequent victims. The most common infractions are
1. overstyled hair

2. highlights

and

3. expensive jeans.

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Often the wife has engineered these looks for her husband. If this is the case, the husband publicly (either on his blog or from the pulpit as an aside during a sermon illustration) praises his hot wife and how she “keeps him looking good.” Little does he know that most non-Christians within the sound of his voice think he looks like a douchebag.

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Ironically, if you can own the fact that you have no innate style, that automatically scores you major style points. However, relevant pastors are loathe to admit this.

106 comments:

Dad said...

So you're saying that trying to look cool makes you look not cool? I guess the movie can't buy me love had a point after all.

Actually, this post makes me feel better that I have almost never used the bottle of hair gel I bought back in 1998. I still keep it though for occasions when I want to be ironic. I'm deeply embedded in Christian culture, but I've never understood it. This blog is helpful.

Cabernet Leather said...

The third picture down is hilarious!

candacemorris said...

GUFAWW! This reminds me of SOO many people I "used" to know.

Good One!

Simone said...

Those faux hawks these days are almost as telling to their Christianty as the short sleeved shirt is to the Mormon headed for your door.

Anonymous said...

Having had a wide central parting since I was 24 I was never in danger of falling into this trap. However I do have to admit that my wife is my fashion adviser - just as well or I would think "smart casual" meant jeans and T-shirt.

jeremy said...

one of the charismatic churches i semi-attended had a strange array of styles from the "i haven't shaved or gotten a decent haircut in two months and my clothing preference is 70s vintage, but don't you f'ing judge me" look to those who are extremely clean cut and they shop at the Gap or A&F.

personally i sported a typical goatee for a long time. that's -5 points for me. :D

Unknown said...

Yup. I was wondering when this post would make it up there. It reminds me of a long flight from Denver to Atlanta a couple of summers ago, and there were 12 college students going from one Young Life Camp to another one. They all really thought they were the coolest people ever and were one row in front of me. All the fellas had very overly styled hair. One of the girls in the group suggested the boys had more "product" in their bags than the girls did.

I quietly sipped my bourbon and tried not to laugh at that comment.

They were all wearing matching YL T-shirts (70's vintage looking, of course) and expensive, trendy jeans.

All I could think was, "How do they relate to the uncool kid at camp, and how does the uncool kid relate to them?"

Little Oak Table said...

you are so funny. oh you make me laugh very hard. ahhh.

lukeisham said...

Is the fourth photo down a male or a female? Why is he/she sitting on a bed for what I presume is a sermon?

stephy said...

I'm pretty sure it's a male, and he's sitting on a bed because he's preaching about sex. He's in his 50s and dressed like a hipster doofus. Sorry for the snark but I can't help it right now.

Mark (under construction) said...

this Blog is gettin betterah and betterah...

can someone loan me some Jel please? I like the chocolate flavour best.

Anonymous said...

may i submit Judah Smith of Generation Church?

http://mindprod.com/image/people/judahsmith.jpg

http://images.google.com/images?sourceid=navclient&rlz=1T4GGIH_enUS224US226&q=judah%20smith%20generation&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi

you can see him live here: http://www.generationchurch.org/

watch out for the "cool font barage"!

LUCAS JOHN NG said...

everything in that post screams hillsong united.

ryan said...

This part cracked me straight up...!! lol

"Staff members of churches who wish to be relevant are the most frequent victims. The most common infractions are

1. overstyled hair

2. highlights

and

3. expensive jeans." SO TRUE!!!

Mikey said...

Re: Luke n' Stephy's comments.
Yes, that's Pastor Ed Young Jr. The picture was taken during his sermon series, entitled "Leaving Lust Vegas," that dealt with the dangers—the pitfalls, if you will—of sexual intimacy outside the marriage bed.
In this same message, if I recall from his podcasts, he also made a peanut butter n' jelly sandwich in front of the congregation, using this as an analogy for sex.
Not surprisingly, his catchphrase is, "Taking Christianity to an HNL, a 'Hole 'Notha Level," to which he later admitted his kids had asked him to stop saying that—it's played out.

Billy said...

Why can't people do there hair like they want without being criticized? You're not judging them, are you? And what is it with your infatuation with Steven Furtick.

a.b. said...

My husband and I hadn't been to church in a while then we visited a while back and both of us were like "what...is that guys' hair!? Is it 2004 again?" Ahhh...too good.

Lori Danelle said...

I've heard people say "he's either gay or a christian"

Hmmm. . .

Anonymous said...

Soul patch and trendy glasses are also the rage.

stephy said...

Dear Anonymous,
please see http://www.stuffchristianculturelikes.com/2008/08/7-soul-patches.html

Unknown said...

we call it nashville hair at my house. ccm people are the worst.

Anonymous said...

The third picture down is Richard Blais, second place finisher of season 6 of the show Top Chef. As far as I am aware, he's not particularly Christian, at least nothing that turns up easily in google. He's certainly not a pastor or anyone directly tied to Christian Culture.

http://www.yumsugar.com/1705277

stephy said...

Correct, and the 2nd picture is of Aaron Carter. He is also not a Christian culture figure but his and Richard's hair is something CC aspires to. :)

Ben Ning said...

HAHAHA
i will have to say a BIG AMEN to this one. Christians are the worst dressed people on earth. worst hair styled people on earth.

you know why? because they have too much people to please. too much people who could turn an eyebrow if they stepped over 'the' line.

i know a pastor who wears a coat with a big cross designed on vector and adorned with confused-celtic-english-whatever patterns. he probably think he is cool and relevant.

but i couldn't listen to him without thinking about that coat and hideous cross on his back.

Anonymous said...

The second guy is not Aaron Carter. It is Joe Don Rooney from Rascall Flatts.

stephy said...

Ha, you're probably right. I defer to you.

Danielle said...

Expensive jeans! YES. That is the entire city of Nashville TN actually. That's what living in a city that houses about 90 percent of Christian and country music will do to you.

@Christie You must have lived in Nashville because you know about this all too well.

aorto said...

...a combination of 80s hairspray/highlights and desiring to look bad-ass without being able to to do so which, of course, makes them look like a 90s boy band hangover...

Love the blog.

http://spiritualmutt.blogspot.com

P.S. Christian culture is an oxymoron, right?

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Anonymous said...

The 3rd guy down is Richard Blaise and the pic is from his cast photo from Top Chef......not at all Christian related.

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